To have friends is to be able to be proud to tell the world about them, to be able to introduce them to your family, extended family, and even your other friends, but then again, what happens when we aren't able to do that? What happens when everyone can see the kind of people that your supposed "friends" are? Especially the ones closer to your hearts?
I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, but it is a little difficult because it goes against my morals. I tell everyone that I know that I'm not someone to judge anyone, and as long as you give me my due respect, I'll give you the same respect. I'd mirror it. But what happens when the people closer to you are so judgemental that everyone around them can see it? What happens when you get people asking you "why your friends so judgemental and like keep giving everyone weird looks?" How do i reply to that?
I mean, i judge people too. Random strangers on the train, people I would never see again, and I would never say it out loud, or loud enough that they could hear it, or they could see it on my face because it hurts to know that someone is judging you on first impressions. We can all leave first impressions to job interviews because that is the one place we are definitely judged and we can do nothing about it.
Sometimes I feel like I'm taking one step forward and ten steps back. I'm trying my very best to climb out of this depression hell-hole, and it sucks when some of the people closest to you are so oblivious and the words hurt. I hate being left out, or when my clique has an inside joke that i'm not in on. I mean what's that all about? It's so annoying.
Then again, this is one-sided. I have no idea what they are thinking, what's going through their minds, or if they are as done as I am, and this is the best of our friendship. If it really is, if it is only going to go downhill from here on, it's best we all walk away from each other before something major happens that hurts one or all of us.
