So, I just turned 21 yesterday. It feels the same as turning 17, 18, 19, and 20.
Although I wasn't expecting anything at all, just a relaxed day out with my cousin, I love how my special bunch made it really special for me. A surprise birthday cake, a day out to town, and another special girl meeting me for dinner.
It really was great.
---------------------------------------------------------------
On a different not, I've not been feeling really good lately. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I'm just distracted all the time and I don't feel like doing anything. Depression really isn't a joke. It's difficult, it's tiresome, and I just want it to stop.
I'm sure many people would go "stop being so dramatic. Just cause you're feeling down for a little while doesn't mean you are actually depressed." No. You don't know what it's like feeling down, and feeling depressed.
When you're feeling down, it's just a day or two and then you're fine. Depression is worse. A lot worse. I can't even begin to explain how it is. It's like drowning, and you know you're going to die but you struggle to try to get to the surface any way, but sometimes something else is just pulling you down. It could be anything. Life, people, yourself, it just pulls you down.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, depressed people don't like telling others that they are. If they tell you, it honestly means that they trust you a lot. The trust given to open up and tell you things is a lot. Don't take it for granted and laugh it off. Most of the time when they tell you, they're trying to reach out to you, to silently scream to you that they want help, that they need help.
I do that too. To all my close friends. Especially every time I feel like i'm close to the edge. I know that I want to leap of the edge, to stop struggling and let myself drown. Sometimes I just want to let myself go.
I'm so close to just giving up.
