I honestly don't get it. What is wrong with my family? I try so damn hard to stay on their good side, to do everything I can, but why is it still never enough?
Why is it, I have to do the laundry on a Wednesday even though I might be tired? Why can't I do it on Thursday? What is the difference?
How is it, my father who is home everyday of the week, gets to nag and shout at me for not getting the stupid laundry done? I mean, you're home the whole week right? You could move your fucking arse and help around the house.
Why is it just because I have my friend over to sleepover, you use it as a damn fucking excuse to say that just cause my friend is around, I care only about my friend and I don't care about the family?
HOW IS LAUNDRY AND HOW I TREAT THE FAMILY LINKED AT ALL?
How is it that I can never please you?
And you think that I say bad stuff about the family? I say that my parents are fucked up? YOU ARE SO WRONG.
I tell people that my mum and I have a good relationship and I can tell her a lot of stuff. I tell them that my dad gives tough love and though I don't understand it, I accept it.
So no. I don't fucking tell people that my family is fucked up.
Why are you so fucking anal about the stupid laundry? Why the fuck do you even care?
You say I only think about my friends? What about you? You think about your friends too. You can spend the whole fucking day out with them, but when I do it, it's a big deal? What the fuck? Where the fuck is your stupid fucking logic, really?
Maybe you think I'm a failure. Maybe you don't like me cause I'm not good looking like my brother or sister so you're embarrassed of me. Or maybe you're afraid of my sister hating you so you give in to her but you don't really care what I think. Like you couldn't really give a shit about me. How do you think I feel? Have you ever gave a thought to my feelings? To how hurt I feel all the time?
I hardly ever ask you for money. Only when I really need it. Even when I'm at home and you ask if I need money for food and all that, I could always say yes and take the money, but I don't. I say it's okay, that I'm not really hungry, and if I am I'll just find something to eat.
But I guess all this counts for nothing because in the end I'm the daughter that only cares about her friends right?
How about this? I rather stay at home and be a recluse than go out, and it's all your fault. You make me so terrified of asking you if I can go out that I just give excuses to my friends and I stay home.
A daughter isn't supposed to be terrified of her father. He should be the one she runs to when she's feeling upset, or someone in school made fun of her, but I can't do that with you, can I?
I can't do that because you're not that kind of father. You're the kind who makes fun of me, as if I don't already know that I'm fat. You're the one that always thinks I'm not good enough.
You even crushed my dreams and love for baking by actually telling me not to bake again.
Honestly, no matter what I tell people, I'm not fooling myself. I've never felt like home in this house. I feel trapped. I feel like a prisoner.
It's like you expect me to do everything for what? In return for pocket money and paying my phone bill? If that's the case, you can keep your money, and I'll take my chances at freedom.
